livinglot | tl;cr meme

Ew, it's Foster.

Tell me how you really feel Foster.

So, this one is interesting.

Foster's CR with Yuya is tainted by what Yuya said to him in Portland during the ritual. In the span of a sentence or two, Yuya basically suggested to Foster that 1. he didn't understand what was wrong with himself well enough and 2. his reason for wanting to die (and wanting to die THAT BADLY) wasn't good enough.

Foster has never forgiven Yuya for this.

MONTHS later, he still hates Yuya so much that he and Reira can't talk about Yuya at all--he knows Yuya is her canonmate now, but just saying Yuya's name reminds him of what Yuya said, and that creates an actual emotional backlash in Foster so strong that... well, yeah. They changed subjects immediately.

This has actually saved Yuya some grief, as Foster is not inclined to believe Yuya is worth trying to communicate with, and so tends to leave before making any stronger effort to convince Yuya of anything.

This is kind of complicated by the fact that Yuya tends to possess a lot of traits that Foster regards with envy and contempt in equal measure. Yuya's sincerity, for example, is something Foster has literally never possessed*, and while on the one hand, he ostensibly views sincerity as admirable, something you have to work hard for and must be able to afford in yourself, he also kind of hates Yuya for how being so transparent and wasting his efforts so easily. He basically views Yuya as unworkable because he feels everything he believes and Foster just can't even understand that. He actually(!) makes no assumptions about Yuya's life over it, though. The one time Foster didn't assume something, amazing.

All of the above is why their CR has been such a fucking tire fire.

*Foster's disease was present very early in life, but obvious low empathy/emotional scarcity is pretty socially unacceptable, so he was pressured, as most people with low empathy, to lie a LOT and "act" feelings he didn't have at all. This wasn't even like, an intentional thing people did--just imagine how you're expected to be excited about everything you open at Christmas, and think about not being able to feel excited about things. As an adult, he has concluded this makes him a pretty horrible person, and so people who have a lot of emotions in general tend to put him off. He can't even say the word 'sorry' sincerely, so now he never does. Yuya being very sincere is just sort of a constant "in your face" thing to him.

That's Side A. I have to go to work, so you'll have to wait for the less depressing Side B, but I promise it does exist.

Okay, so. Side B.

Shorter, thank god, but.

All of this actually means they actually HAVE CR. Normally, he would have written Yuya off the instant Yuya declared he would NEVER use Foster, but now he's like... stuck unable to stop engaging Yuya whenever he sees him.

So he's just like... deliberately inflicting Yuya on himself because he's so mad about that.

And the fact that Yuya is friends(?) with Reira is complicating because frankly, Reira is one of two or three people (depending on whether you count Amethyst) Foster would actually do something for without being told to and frankly if Yuya actually cares about Reira, he's not 'allowed' to complain about him....

Eyyyy

Peridot is like... the greatest missed connection story possible and the weird thing is that Foster is actually sort of aware of that.

He's been avoiding her since they spoke post-Portland, but the thing is, Peridot is the one link he knows of to Amethyst, he knows she was/is friends with Amethyst (I'm not super clear on if he knows they're from the same world, but I think...? He knows that too.)

And that sort of sucks.

But Portland makes things weird all on its own--they had that whole spiritual journey they embarked on together, and he remembers her being pretty chill--but then, he was a lot more forgiving and there were much fewer... offenses against him... someone could commit in Portland, so he doesn't know if that's a false idea or not. Plus, there's the whole 'betraying the Beast,' thing, which is... complicated. He's NOT sorry he did it, because he is in fact STILL bitter that he was forced to... suffer through returning to being himself, the way he is. He still would have done just about anything (no... let's be honest, there is NOTHING he would not have done) to stay in Portland, or at least just die there rather than come back?

So he can't apologise to her. He can't even try to be like, hey, sorry I turned traitor on you so he's been sucking it up and kind of accepting that she hates him. Or he assumes she does, anyway. But that's probably for the better, he thinks. No, definitely for the better.

But it's super awkward to be in the same room as her, because he can't not keep being like "wow, what if I hadn't fucked that up." Not that he thinks he wants to be friends, just. Wow. What if.

icon kw relevant

God. Lambert.

Okay, so, the saga of Foster's feelings about Lambert is... actually a little complicated, because superficially at least, Lambert started out as (and he STILL IS) one of the few people in the Carnival who actually took what Foster said at face value and did disregard his comfort. On the other hand, he... like, did exactly what Foster said in that context rather than ... literally anything else, which was... weird. That was kinda weird, Lambert. Underwhelming? Maybe. But at the same time, Foster was so desperate for someone to acknowledge his worthlessness by that point that it really, honestly was more than enough.

This has worked in Lambert's favour(?) ever since then, for better or for worse.

Lambert becoming Nightrider sort of cleared up a lot of potential doubts, and Lambert making some use of Foster helped too. The only wrinkle is that Lambert continually lets him get away with the shit he says and does instead of calling him on it--for example, in Greysol.

....except that once he learns what lengths Lambert went to while he and Childermass and Taako and so on were retrieving the Rose, it will pretty squarely convince Foster that Lambert is better than Foster could ever be. So, that makes Lambert one of the only two actual authorities in the Carnival, as far as Foster is concerned.

He just... wishes he could get more out of him. Like... god, Lambert, would it kill you to kick him around a little?

they are fine and absolutely nothing is being unsaid between the lines

Uggggh no it's Papyrus again why

Joking.

Well, Foster isn't.

Papyrus and Foster is like the most hellacious case of unstoppable force meets immovable object.

Foster learned very quickly that putting himself down more aggressively and/or lashing out against Papyrus when Papyrus violated the rules worked much, much harder AGAINST him, because most people back down or at least start to avoid him after that and Papyrus just tries harder.

Which was... like, the most maddening thing? He can't get this guy to even admit the rules EXIST, let alone stop breaking them.

And the thing is, even Foster isn't sure that Papyrus' insistence on denying the rules is rooted in the usual emotional bullshit he hates, so he's just... sort of... angry and confused? How does he beat this guy. Why does the Psiionic continue to make him endure this.

Why was Papyrus on the roof.

ewwwwwww

Sans... Sans.

Sans might have joked about being Foster's dominatrix, but honestly he's not that wrong because Foster wishes Sans would just turn on him already. He's had his ass handed to him by this guy before and he's actually pretty frustrated that the only way to get that around here is apparently to nearly murder everybody.

Like, just beat him up and put him in his place. Please.

That said, Foster respects Sans totally. Sans is not shy about telling Foster just how unimportant or unwelcome Foster is. He has the strength and the willingness to back up his authority to him. And he would jump at the chance to have Sans take his proverbial leash.

Interestingly, the one thing that could have really diminished Sans in Foster's eyes (getting caught by the Prince, honestly) is actually pretty much redeemed by why and how--the fact that Sans was doing his job isn't enough, but the fact that he was attempting to help Reira means Foster can't disparage him for it.

SEND THOSE RAMBLES TO THE PUBLIC EYE-

Reira is... definitely one of Foster's most favoured people in the Carnival.

He was originally baffled by her, because she was so enamoured of something he'd thought of as disposable--effectively garbage--and he more or less gave it to her because it was pointless not to, and to deflect any potential trouble it'd cause him if he didn't. And they had a lot of trouble communicating, because everything Reira thought she was supposed to do, she... super wasn't with him.

But she was still a lot better and faster at figuring things out than anyone else (even though he LITERALLY TELLS PEOPLE WHAT TO DO), and the more they interacted, the easier he found talking to her... much to his surprise, eventually, as he realised he didn't super fucking hate her.

Actually, she was pretty sharp, and strong-willed, and those are traits he respects.

Once they seriously malfunctioned in Greysol and then had a long talk on Kerner Island, he basically determined that Reira was not only the least offensive personality in the Carnival, she was probably the most reasonable and willing to listen to what he was actually saying.

Her fearless, blunt refusal to take what he said or be ordered out of what she had physically observed sort of clinched it, honestly.

So, you know, when she didn't show up at breakfast in Heartstone... he 'checked' on her. ~~And now look where that's gotten him.~~

The thing is, because Foster doesn't have a nurturing bone in his body, he is neither protective of her nor does he infantilise her or her motives (despite her being 7, and arguably, at an age where that might make some sense.) Part of this may be because of how much he personally despises that treatment, but honestly, he's much more interested in enabling her to do whatever she wants; he is of the opinion that she has the right to decide for herself, and that she can handle it. If she can't, then she should be expected to deal with the consequences (isn't that how you learn, anyway) and also she's perfectly able to get a lot of other help that isn't. You know. Him.

TL;DR:

Reira Akaba Is Better Than You.

do we even want to know

tl;cr meme

Foster van Denend

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TW: suicidal ideation discussed heavily and also immediately

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