tl;cr meme

[whattaprick]

tl;dr relationship meme
♥ post your characters!
♥ respond to other people's characters with your characters!
♥ they tell you what their character thinks of your character, ic or ooc! tl;dr is enouraged but first impressions or even just impressions from hearsay are a-okay!
♥ react if you want! wallow in da feels
♥ other people do the same thing -- maybe you can use these for a CR chart later? go nuts

Comments

[mylastchance]

oh boy here we go. okay.

so first things first: lauren thinks susan is fucking amazing.

i think it's important for us to remember that because going forward? we're going to be talking about a LOOOOOT of baggage.

so let's go back. way back, way way back to a time before lauren and susan are on there on. to a time before susan is even in the picture. lauren is a half-elf kid who is shy and the subject of ridicule amongst children his own age for being the awkward kid that he is. lauren doesn't care about this because he has his mother and father and his mother NEEDS him because without him she cant talk to other people. he feels special and important and he's pretty pleased with his life even if the other kids never let him play medieval fantasy soccer.

here comes susan, a kid who is nearly six years his junior. that means 6 years lauren spent being an only child with his home-making mom giving him practically 100% of her attention constantly. i think it's easy to see where i'm going with this. the jealousy is intense. lauren is not getting all the attention any longer and doesn't feel as special. the things he wants to do are ignored because mom needs to pay attention to the baby/ baby this baby that. it's irritating as hell and so one day as 1-2 year old susan is toddling his way down the stairs lauren gives him a shove.

sounds pretty terrible doesn't it? because it is! you can't just go around pushing freaking babies down the stairs! but you know what, jealousy is a pretty BIG motivator for lauren even as an 'adult' so of course as a kid he gets angry and does something stupid without thinking about it. honestly as soon as he does it he feels bad. it's not susan's fault being a dumb baby after all! and lauren doesn't like hurting people. period.

family discussions happen. lauren gets in trouble but his feelings of being ignored get brought up at the same time and his parents reassure him that they still love him so maybe everything would be okay. and he did LOVE his brother and he felt really bad about the whole stairs thing so he tries to be a better big bro to prove to his mom he's a super responsible and mature and important kid. as he turns 7 lauren is actually maybe starting to mature into an okay kid.

then the magic hits. susan is two when he uses mage hand to pull a toy out of laurens hands and take it for himself. lauren tattles immediately but instead of the dumb baby getting scolded his mom starts to give him praise? what the hell! lauren goes to his dumb room to play with his other dumb toys and ignore his whole dumb stupid family.

i've thought about this a lot. could you tell?

it's at this point when lauren really starts to doubt his self worth. yes, at the tender age of eight lauren is already having confidence issues. kids his age are mean. his brother is young and only just learning to talk. his dad is a craftsmen and working and his mom finally knows enough common to be able to shop for groceries on her own so what the hell is he supposed to do? he guesses the answer is help with watching susan, but susan is a baby that can someone a fucking floating hand to do whatever the hell he wants it to. lauren can't compete with that, he can't even pretend like he's in charge and mom never punishes susan because he's "only a baby" and lauren is supposed to be the more mature one.

but he thought he was being mature. he thought people DEPENDED on him. and now it feels like he's not really necessary at all. that sucks of course he gets better at being patient with susan as he gets older but the feeling of being sort of unnecessary sticks around until he's 9/10 and his dad starts teaching him the tools of the trade. which he likes because it makes him feel like he is useful to someone and he likes getting to spend more time with his dad who is a lot more like him than his mom is but BETTER. his dad is a huge role model for him. if you asked him what he'd want to be when he grew up he would say he wanted to be his father. that's fucking cheesey but you know how kids are.

thats when DISASTER STRIKES. you know the deets. family dead village destroyed susan and lauren are one their own. and lauren fucking realizes he actually has to be the adult now. if anyone was going to make sure susan was okay it was going to have to be him and like hell he's going to let the last of his family die. no way. he is going to prove to his mom AND his dad that he can do this, that he is mature and responsible and totally important AND useful.

this is pretty much the end of lauren's life as a kid. he learns a lot of stuff real fast because he has to. how to survive in the wild. he learns hunting, trapping, foraging, how to survive in the 'real world' and it's honestly thanks to his teacher that either of them survive. lauren learns magic so he can protect susan even better than before. susan hardly even remembers his mom and dad at this point. to susan lauren practically is his parent. lauren never felt that way. every step he took towards being a better caretaker was just another way of proving himself, to himself and to others.

so the fact that susan's magic problems only increase as he gets older? it feels like a personal failing on susan's part. lauren tried really hard to 'raise susan right' but still he feels like he failed in a lot of ways, not because susan is a bad person, but because he thinks his parents would have done everything better. magical outbursts, angry outbursts, not wanting to live in a proper house. these are all things susan does that make laurn feel like a shitty brother everyday and lauren has absolutely know idea what a shitty thing that is for him to do to his brother because he thinks susan is basically perfect and fun and he wouldn't change anything about him for the world. does he realize what a huge contradiction that is? no. not at all.

the thing is it wouldn't matter what susan did or who he was, lauren would still find some way to blame himself for not being good enough. it's not really a reflection of susan at all, but of himself, and i think it has a lot to do with how these two keep misunderstanding each other. i feel like if they could just both be honest about how they felt they would have a much stronger relationship for it. but lauren can't because he just actually doesn't have the vocab for it and susan just won't.

it's weird to think two people could be so close while still being unable to actually be emotionally honest with each other but thats where they are. i think it will get better though, for both of them. they both still have a lot of growing to do and they aren't so messed up that change is insurmountable.

all in all lauren loves his goofy ridiculous over the top dramatic dumb little brother and he wouldn't have it any other way.